Again, we are continuing the path of trust and exploration outside of Our scenes. Chastity is something that greatly excites Me…A’s journey has just begun…to be continued…
It’s been exactly seven days and seven nights since the lock clicked shut on my chastity cage. It all seemed to happen so fast. I’d fallen asleep watching a movie on my laptop and when I awoke at midnight I had an email from Miss Victoria Cayne instructing me to put my cage on and not remove it until she instructed. We’d been talking about it for months… And though it certainly had been an erotic fantasy of mine to relinquish control of my orgasms to a trusted Domme, little had prepared me for dealing with the actual realities of the situation I now found myself in. I was scared. Even though I knew my predicament would not be permanent, it felt like one of those ‘turning moments’ in life. For better or worse, this experience would change me somehow. It was a classic “Be careful what you wish for”, but I knew I was in safe and caring hands with Miss Victoria Cayne.
I hurriedly tried to do a bit of grooming–since I knew I may not have access down there again before I saw MVC in a little over a week–and on it went… *click*
All of my initial impressions of wearing the cage had been positive. I wasn’t sure what it would feel like or if I would like it, but it instantly gave me many of the comforting feelings that heavy bondage does. The first night was a challenge though. It mostly had to do with adjusting my sleeping position so as not to put direct weight on the cage. Eventually, I passed out from exhaustion–but I awoke a few times throughout the night straining or needing to adjust.
A breaking point came on the third night. I woke up around 5:30 in the morning–not because I had accidently rolled over onto the cage–but because I was rock hard. I felt myself straining against the bars and a sticky wetness was leaking all over my sheets. My body was in anguish, screaming for release–but my barely conscious mind felt almost euphoric. I tried to focus on my breathing to try and calm myself down so that I could fall back asleep. To my surprise and delight, I found myself whispering with each exhale: “This is where I belong…. This is where I belong…” It was as I expected: this experience was changing me.
So much of my experience with MVC has been this way. Before I met her, all my experiences with Dommes had been positive–but they had always been about exploring a particular fetish or unwinding before or after a stressful project at work. I’ve never felt before like a deep connection was being made. Like my Mistress was really learning who I was along with me on this journey.
Wearing this cage has been trying in many ways, but it has also seemed to give me a glimpse at “the real me”. Despite choosing a profession that requires assertiveness and leadership, I’d always felt submissive. (Some of my earliest elementary school memories are of trying to coax the girls on the playground to tie me up with the jump ropes at recess and a teacher having to untie me from a tree…) But I have never discussed these feelings with friends. And it’s not really something I had ever had the courage to talk about in my prior relationships.
Before being locked in chastity, kink was something I thought I could try and ‘pick up’ and ‘put down’. Now I was literally walking around with it 24/7, and feeling a sense of peace in my sexuality that I’ve never really felt before. Mistress said it right on her blog: “She has put me in the exact place where I need to be to know not only this is what she desires, but where I belong.”
I guess if I’m really being honest with myself, it’s not that I want to be locked in this cage forever…. In fact in many ways: I’m completely frantic to get out! I’ve never felt this turned on, teased, desperate, and denied in my life. It’s the longest I think I’ve gone without touching myself since I realized as a kid that touching myself was pleasurable!
So it’s not that I’ve realized that I need the cage on always. It’s that I’ve come to realize that I’m really always a submissive. That I find extreme pleasure in serving. Being in chastity is just one possible manifestation of that. Submission is not just something I like or find fun –(I like chocolate pie, but it’s not part of who I am)–it’s ingrained in my very nature. It is part of my sexual identity.
And that’s big realization! But not one I can fully process right now. Since as I said, it’s now been exactly seven days and seven nights since the lock clicked shut on my chastity cage. And despite whatever semblance of coherence I’ve been able to muster in this journal thus far, this week of denial has in fact turned my mind into jello.
My body has been giving me all little sorts of delightful signs that I need release. The leaking that had been so memorable earlier in the week has now become a near constant to the extent that I have begun to worry that a wet spot is going to develop on my jeans while I am out eating in public. This afternoon, I was sitting to use the bathroom when a single bead of thick cum oozed out of my entirely flaccid penis. I tried finding any mention of this on some of the chastity forums I’d begun lurking in this week for insight only to discover that I had had a ‘micro orgasm’. It was a sign that my prostate was full and that I needed to be ‘milked’. I had originally planned on trying to wear a plug a bit today and tomorrow to stretch myself a little before seeing MVC, but now my body is so sensitive that I’m worried the slightest stimulation could cause an ‘accident’. It’s like I’m developing new erogenous zones now that access to my cock has been taken away. It is an exquisite torment that part of me wants to never end.
Earlier this evening, I knew I was less than 24 hours away from seeing Mistress Victoria Cayne and that was helping me push through. I had a lot of packing and cleaning to do before my upcoming trip and I thought the time was going to fly with all the distractions. But then the emails started…
The first one seemed innocuous enough. It simply said, “Tick tock, tick tock….”
My heart skipped a beat. It felt wonderful to know that Mistress was thinking about me the evening before I saw her just as I was thinking of her. And even though her teasing words had a physical consequence as my cock began to once again strain against its enclosure, I was happy.
Things heated up more after dinner. I was catching up on the news when a new email flashed across my screen without warning: “Marinating..sweaty…haven’t showered since this am…all to push you further and deeper into a submissive frenzy for Me… Where is your mind?”
Each of us was physically preparing for our play tomorrow in our own ways. Being locked away and denied access to myself was mine, and this was hers.
My whole body seemed to shake and tremble as my cock instantly swelled. Even though I was home alone, I stammered aloud, my mind desperately grasping for a coherent response to Mistress’s query. At one point, it felt so intense that I had to take an actual cold shower. But each time I returned to my laptop and saw her words I felt the subtle, dull pain of an erection that would never be. The ‘submissive frenzy’ she desired had begun and we weren’t even in the same room yet. It was a reminder that Mistress was more than capable of using my every fetish against me. And it was the greatest ‘mind fuck’ I have ever had.
Mistress then ordered me to write out some of my thoughts on this experience, which I’ve been doing my best to relay. Sometimes articulating what I’m feeling makes me so hard in my cage that I need to take a break–but Mistress orders me to continue through the night.
I passed out a little before 3am I think, and the cage woke me up around 6:30. I laid in bed for a few hours, quietly shaking in anticipation of the day’s events until my alarm went off at 9. Miraculously I’m not tired though. My senses feel dialed up to an eleven.
As I finish packing in the morning, my mind races as I consider the devious plans MVC has in store for me this evening. Will I be allowed out of my cage and if so will I be permitted release? What will it feel like after all this time? Will it be pleasurable or will Mistress ruin it? Will I be forced to eat it like usual? How much will there be? And perhaps the most important question: Do I even want this torment to even end?
I don’t even know what other activities Mistress has in store as I’ve left the session entirely up to her. I just know I’m in for one hell of a ride and that I’m so grateful to MVC for taking me on this journey and continuing to push my limits so that I can be the best submissive I can possibly be.